Co-Parenting With a Toxic Ex: The 7 Things You Need to Start Documenting Today

1. Every message and call — your communication record

Toxic exes deny saying things, change their story, and claim you said things you never did. A timestamped record of every message and call is the single best antidote: it replaces 'he said / she said' with a date and a fact.

Log the date, time, method, and a short factual summary of each meaningful exchange, and store it somewhere backed up. Do it consistently — the value is in the unbroken pattern, not any one entry. Our communication guide has the full system.

2. Every custody exchange — who had the kids and when

Late pickups, early returns, and outright no-shows are classic toxic-ex tactics, and they're easy to deny without a record. At every handoff, note the scheduled time, the actual time, and anything notable about how it went.

Over a few months this becomes a precise picture of who actually honoured the schedule — invaluable if parenting time is ever disputed. A Parenting Time Log makes capturing it a five-second task per day.

3. Every shared expense and payment

Financial manipulation — refusing to pay, disputing agreed costs, 'forgetting' reimbursements — is common with a controlling ex. Track every shared expense, every payment, and every refusal, with dates and receipts.

A clear running balance turns money from an endless argument into a single number. Our co-parenting expenses guide covers how to split costs fairly and request repayment in writing.

4. Every child support payment

Whether you pay or receive support, a toxic ex may make false claims about it — that you never paid, or that they always did. Protect yourself with a dated log of every payment: amount, method, and reference.

Backed by bank statements, this record makes false non-payment claims collapse on contact. See our guide on how to prove child support was paid.

5. Every school event and appointment

Courts care about involvement, not just custody time. Log every school event, medical appointment, and activity, and note which parent attended — including when your ex was invited and didn't show.

This quietly documents your engagement and their absence, factually and over time. Our guide on child event attendance in custody cases goes deeper.

6. Every parenting plan violation

One violation is an incident; twenty violations is a pattern — and patterns are what courts act on. Each time the agreed plan is broken, note what the plan says, what actually happened, the date, and any witnesses.

Keeping these in one place builds the violation log your solicitor needs. Our high-conflict documentation guide shows exactly how to record them without escalating.

7. What your children tell you (a note of caution)

When your kids report something concerning, log it factually and never editorially. Write 'said she wasn't given dinner,' not 'said mum is neglecting her.' The facts protect you; the interpretation can undermine you.

Be careful here: child disclosures are sensitive, and you should speak to a solicitor before using them in proceedings. Recording them calmly and factually — without interrogating your child — is both better evidence and better for your kid. There's no product for this one, just care.

Frequently asked questions